Behold, my unholy creation! Mum and I made this cake for Christmas, and I can say without exaggeration that it is the most mindblowing thing I have ever eaten. It gave me this weird sensation in my chest, like my heart was doing a thousand tiny beats per minute.

Here's what's in it. The actual cake part, barely any of which is visible, is a flat base rolled into a spiral. Inside that spiral is all the whipped cream we could make. I know it looks like the cake is just a hollowed cylinder full of cream, but it really is a spiral. That not being quite suicidally decadent enough, I made my very best chocolate icing (with milk, butter, icing sugar and twice the recommended amount of cocoa) and slathered as much as possible on top. (There was actually too much; we put the leftover icing in a container to eat later.)

And this is the end result! Unfortunately, in the days that followed, none of the pieces I had were as scary or as good as that first one.